The Emotional Stages Of Break Ups

The Emotional Stages Of Break Ups

WOMEN

SHOCK

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The initial hit is LIKE AN ONCOMING MAC TRUCK. Did he really do this?  Did this really just happen to me?  Did those words just come out of your mouth?


DENIAL

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You’re not clearly seeing what the world is throwing at you and the reason you don’t see it is because you literally don’t want to and therefore can’t deal.  You’re hoping you can go to sleep and wake up and a “Let’s work this out” text will be there… Or maybe it was a bad dream and the text will say, “Good morning honey.”  


BARGAINING

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Maybe you should call him. Or send a text. Just one. This urge is likely to grow with every glass of wine. But then your girlfriends talk you out of that shit or take your phone away completely and toss it in the East River so you don’t do something regrettable.  You try to tell yourself you’re finally over everything and that things are okay when you’re really not okay at all… But you’re starting to see the sun at the end of the tunnel… Until the tunnel gets dark because a train came through and hit you in the fucking face and then you realize you’re so NOT okay.


PAIN

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Tightness in the throat.  Difficulty or complete inability to handle change.  Everything life throws at you hurts in the most agonizing way.  Your phone rings and you reach for it with hope, only to realize that the call or text isn’t from him.  Then your heart realizes that he isn’t going to contact you ever again and all you want to do is curl up in a bed and die, which is fine because your heart is in the pit of your stomach anyway.


ANGER

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When you realize he isn’t going to call or text or show up when you’re “not expecting him to” but you really prayed for him to show up unexpected.  Then you start to curse his name and realize how amazing you are and how dare he break up with you when you’re the fucking shit and you get this overwhelming urge to show up at his door and break some fucking shit and now you’re pissed that YOU didn’t break up with HIM because you’re the fucking shit.  Bats, brooms, wrenches, hammers are all suddenly very attractive weapons.


DEPRESSION

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When you realize you can’t actually do any bodily harm to him the way you wanted to because it’s illegal and you know you’d never make it in jail.  And he still hasn’t called or texted and you realize he’s out with his friends drinking or chilling with another bitch who is probably not really a bitch but SHE’S WITH HIM DAMMIT and you’re home alone with a straw in a bottle of vodka and you won’t be in another relationship again ever and will die alone with eight cats.


ACCEPTANCE

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You’re going to be fine.  Really.  You finally pry yourself out of bed, put your face on, do your hair and put on a nice outfit and walk down the street and realise you’ve still fucking got it.  Brunch with girlfriends is so much more awesome than dealing with the bullshit of a relationship with someone who doesn’t value your worth as highly as you do.  So fuck ‘em.


MEN

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Multiply all of the feelings WOMEN experience above and add tears.

#ForwardsEverBackwardsNever

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