Shit People Do After A BreakUp
The dictionary defines a breakup as “the termination of an intimate relationship by any means other than death.” Apparently this is the case even when it physically feels like death. So we thought to put together a carefully curated list of things to do to fill the void as you navigate the newly paved road called “single.” Feast your eyes on the list of shit people do after a break up…!
Eat and drink some good shit
Nothing more need be said.
Smoke some shit
Road trip to Colorado, anyone?!
Hit some shit
As in take a kickboxing class, find a speed bag or franchise your personal Anger Room and really go HAM breaking shit…
This is NOT an excuse to punch holes in your landlord’s walls. The only thing you lose apart from skin on your knuckles is that damage deposit. Oh, and don’t break anything that legally belongs to someone else (or the city) because then you’ll have committed a crime and be in real shit. And that’d be shitty. Especially if you don’t have ‘Yonce’s bank account.
Listen to some good shit
Nothing beats a good playlist! Jam with Adele while you grieve until you’ve cried so hard your tear ducts are dry and you’ve run out of vodka and NOW you’re so fucking depressed you stripped off all your clothes and swaddled yourself in a blanket.
Discover new shit
Cooking? Photography? Gardening? Hiking? Fencing? Geneology? Be like Cheryl Strayed from “Wild” (played by Reese Witherspoon in fine form) and focus on rebirthing a new you.
Talk about shit
Have a friend come over with wine… Lots and lots and LOTS of wine… And maybe a few other goodies…
Buy some shit
Because it’s good to have something new in your life. Be kind to yourself.
Don’t make shitty decisions
Remember Britney, circa 2007? Buzz-cutting or dying your hair fluorescent orange is NOT EVER okay EVER. Like, NEVER. Hit the gym – it’s way more satisfying and the benefits outweigh the risks.
Club the hell outta that shit
Pub, bar, strip joint, lounge… Get sexy and get out of the house WITH TRUSTED FRIENDS because they will make sure you don’t contract an STD in a dusty toilet cubicle.
Clean some shit
Clean your room. Matter of fact, clean your house – feng shui that shit. Spring clean all the places where you were most intimate with that person. Buy new sheets. And a really great scented candle.
Own up to your shit
It takes two to break-up, even if you didn’t do the dumping. Recognize when you weren’t fair, you weren’t honest or when you sacrificed more than you should have. This isn’t about hosting a pity party – admit your faults, avoid making excuses and be open to change.
Learn some shit about the new you
Reflecting on past relationships helps you gain wisdom and maturity. It also forces you to spend valuable alone-time with yourself. Fall in love with yourself and learn to enjoy your own company. Happiness depends entirely on you, not on another person so take back some control.
Move on from that shit
Because you’re fucking amazing. And karma is a MOFO.